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Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently

Jeffery — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 17:54:00 GMT

I was trying out my fancy camera

Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago

Jeffery — Sun, 30 May 2010 00:16:00 GMT

This is one my favorite pictures. This is my youngest sister when she was six years old.

Day 09 — A photo you took

Jeffery — Sun, 30 May 2010 00:08:00 GMT

I took this picture picture recently because I found it amusing. What's so amusing about it you ask? Because it's at the start of the road my mom lives on.

Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad

Jeffery — Sun, 30 May 2010 00:06:00 GMT

I need to come back to this one.

Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy

Jeffery — Mon, 24 May 2010 00:07:00 GMT

This photo was taken during a fund raiser a few years ago. We closed the bar that night.

Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy

Jeffery — Sun, 23 May 2010 23:16:00 GMT

This is a picture I took at Chicago Pride 2009.

Day 05 — Your favorite quote

Jeffery — Sun, 23 May 2010 21:55:00 GMT

You must be the change you want to see in the world. -- Mahatma Gandi

Day 04 — Your favorite book

Jeffery — Sun, 23 May 2010 21:39:00 GMT

My first crush was on a boy named Ponyboy Curtis. I met him in when I was in sixth grade. He was from the bad side of town, but he wasn’t a delinquent. Ponyboy was smart and liked to read. He was a sensitive, caring kid that didn’t quite fit in even among the other misfits. And I wanted him to be my boyfriend.

The Outsiders was the first book I recall reading that spoke to me on a personal level. Ponyboy was like me. Okay, I wasn’t a greaser and didn’t hang out with a gang, but there was something about his story I identified with. I cried when his friend Johnny died and wanted more than anything to hold Ponyboy. I wanted to tell him everything was going to be alright. I wanted him to know that I understood what it meant to be different.

I must have read that book a dozen times throughout junior high and probably a couple of times in high school and college. As my life changed, and I started to become less of the outsider myself, I put Ponyboy behind me. I’ll always remember him as an important part of my life though. He was the friend that understood me most when I needed someone to lean on.

Day 03 — Your favorite television program

Jeffery — Sun, 23 May 2010 01:01:00 GMT

I really enjoy all of the Star Trek series, and of course there are the shows by J.J. Abrahams, but my favorite show of all time (thus far) is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I love the characters, the continuity of the show over the years and the over all kick ass factor. I have all 7 season on DVD, but I will still watch in on regular television if I catch it on. It is also something Doug and I shared, and that makes me happy.

Day 02 — Your favorite movie

Jeffery — Thu, 20 May 2010 12:29:00 GMT

Thinking about my favorite movie reminds me of an episode on the television show Friends. In episode 4.12 The One With The Embryos there is a bet going on involving who knows who better. The exchange below takes place during the "lightening round."

Ross: What was Monica's nickname when she was a field-hockey goalie?
Joey: Big fat goalie!
Ross: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie.
Chandler: Dangerous Liaisons.
Ross: Correct. Her actual favorite movie is?
Joey: Weekend at Bernie's.

Like songs there are too many movies to pick just one. It would be better to come up with a list of top ten, and that might not be enough slots. If asked though what is my favorite movies I will most likely answer To Kill A Mockingbird. A great movie and very deserving to be in my top ten. What is actually my favorite movie? The Matrix. I love that movie. It is one few movies that I can recall watching in the theater and having a mind blowing "what the fuck?" moment.

Day 01 — Your favorite song

Jeffery — Thu, 20 May 2010 03:26:09 GMT

My favorite song changes with the time of the day and the day of the week. It's not that I'm fickle, it's that there are too many wonderful songs throughout history to choose just one. So instead of a favorite song I'm going to share my current favorite artist, the fantastic Dinah Washington . I stumbled across Miss Washington the other day while looking for some other music. I've been in love since then.

I don't know that much about her beyond the fact that she has a sultry voice and died at an early age. There is something about her voice that I find soothing. I have the cd Dinah '62 in my player on repeat right now. I look forward to hearing more of her discography.

30 Day Challenge

Jeffery — Thu, 20 May 2010 02:28:00 GMT

You know how I said sloth is my favorite sin, right? That’s very evident by the fact that I haven’t blog at all in three months. I’ve bounced around ideas, but nothing has stuck. That’s when I saw this 30 Day Challenge put forth by Erik Rubright and Alexander at VoenixRising . I don’t know if I can do this blogging consecutively, but I’ll definitely put more effort into the next 30 days than I have in the last 90.

Hopefully this will keep your attention. I promise to try and keep the posts short, but interesting. If I can last the next 30 days, then I can surely keep up with regular posting in the future. Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it, too.

Day 01 — Your favorite song
Day 02 — Your favorite movie
Day 03 — Your favorite television program
Day 04 — Your favorite book
Day 05 — Your favorite quote
Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 — A fictional book
Day 14 — A non-fictional book
Day 15 — A fanfic
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — A recipe
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A YouTube video
Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 — Your day, in great detail
Day 26 — Your week, in great detail
Day 27 — This month, in great detail
Day 28 — This year, in great detail
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy

Let's Talk About Sex

Jeffery — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 02:55:00 GMT

I've been thinking about my attitude towards sex lately. I like to think that I am a rather open minded person when it comes to who does what with whom. I try to follow the adage that as long as everyone is of age, informed and consenting then what goes on between two or more people is their business. I may not understand someone's desire to be tied to a post and whipped, but that doesn't mean I look down on it. Who am I to judge if you like being diapered? For that matter, if you are a person that only likes your sex missionary, in a darkened room, and fully clothed, then bully for you. To each his own, I say.

But where did this disposition come from? To whom do I owe a bit of thanks for giving me this insight. At first I was going to say my mother. It was in her household that I and my brothers and sisters learned not to be ashamed of our bodies. We were taught that sex is natural. We learned that the sex act can be endearing, crude or just plain funny. Get us all together for a family dinner or some kind of function, and I can guarantee that within five minutes someone is going to start talking about sex. It may be a dirty joke, or a debate about who gives the better blow job, but someone somehow will bring up the topic of fornication. My mother is not excluded from these conversations. Before she turned sixty, Mom joked that she hoped she got a dildo for her birthday. I think she was genuinely disappointed in her children that none of us had the stones to follow through and buy her one.

Who then, if it wasn’t my mother, began this stance towards of sexual openness in our family? I think it began with Mrs. Beatrice Dugger, also known as Grandma. Turns out Grandma wasn’t always the god fearing, Southern Baptist that we all knew and loved. I found out recently through discussions with my mother that Grandma was once a woman of, dare I say, loose morals. Allegedly Mrs. Dugger had a first husband who was off to war when she met my grandfather, and she gave birth to my uncle six months before she and my grandfather were married. Grandma apparently also had an affair in the late 50’s.

“How do you know?” I asked my mother.

“Because they had a big fight and Dad was holding her head down in the toilet. He was yelling at the top of his lungs that she had better stop seeing that man, or he was going to kill her,” Mom told me.

I was also enlightened to the fact that Grandma was a booze hound back in the day. She only settled down, gave up drinking and found Jesus after my Uncle Tim was born with mental retardation. While none of these revelations were shocking they did help me understand some of my pie baking, church going grandmother’s actions growing up a little better. See, she didn’t always come across as a sweet old lady.

“Do you know why the Pollack took a saucer of milk to bed with him?” Grandma asked me in her kitchen when I was around six years old.

“No.” I can just picture myself all wide eyed and tow headed. I remember she was at the sink I was standing between the kitchen table and the door that lead to the back porch.

“To feed his wife’s pussy!” she cackled.

That’s right. My grandmother told me my first dirty and racist joke at the same time. I’m not sure how long it took me to work out what pussy actually meant.

This is not the only evidence of how my family’s attitude towards sex was formed. I remember when I was thirteen and visiting my grandparents’ farm for the weekend. My cousin Julie, who is four years younger than me and lived down the road, came over to hang out. It was a warm spring day and we had been outside running, chasing bugs, or throwing rocks, whatever it was kids did for entertainment in those days. We had just come in the front door, sweaty and thirsty from our efforts, when we saw Grandma in the cramped bathroom on our way to the kitchen to get something to drink. Grandma was wearing a dark, oversized sweatshirt with the arms pushed up and slacks while cleaning.

“Aren’t you hot, Grandma?” Julie asked.

“No, I ain’t hot,” Grandma said in her Tennessee twang. She then proceeded to lift up the sweatshirt. It happened in a blink of an eye, but that is all it took. My grandmother flashed us.

Growing up with a matriarch like Mrs. Bea Dugger, a woman who would show her breasts to her grandchildren for a laugh and the shock value, most definitely shaped our perception of sex and our bodies. And crazy as it might sound; I think it was in a good way.

Missing You

Jeffery — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 15:32:00 GMT

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. Maybe that is why it doesn’t seem possible that a year has gone by since I got the phone call. A nurse told me that you had only moments left. I grabbed my keys and was out the door, but you were gone by the time it took me to drive the five minutes to hospice. I ran into the room only to see the empty husk that used to house all the beauty that was you. The nurse standing at the foot of the bed told me you had passed only moments before. Your struggle of the previous six months was finally over. I know you weren’t alone in the final seconds, but I still feel occasional guilt that it wasn’t me with you. I know that isn’t logical, but there it is anyway.

Thanks to family and friends I’ve kept busy this past year. Because of them I have not let my life come to a standstill now that you are no longer physically here with me. I have laughed and experienced new adventures even though a year ago I didn’t think that would ever be possible. Throughout it all you are here in my thoughts sharing along with me. When I act silly, or cross that line of decorum as I am wont to do, I know you are there be beside me shaking your head.

I miss you. I miss your laugh. I miss hearing about how your day went. I miss holding your hand as we walk down the street. I miss laying in bed at night and hearing you breath. I miss... this list could be endless. But enough with the sadness already. I have too many happy memories to let this day rule over all the others.

You were not my first love, but you are my best love. I cherish that above all else.