notyouraveragemo.com

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. Maybe that is why it doesn’t seem possible that a year has gone by since I got the phone call. A nurse told me that you had only moments left. I grabbed my keys and was out the door, but you were gone by the time it took me to drive the five minutes to hospice. I ran into the room only to see the empty husk that used to house all the beauty that was you. The nurse standing at the foot of the bed told me you had passed only moments before. Your struggle of the previous six months was finally over. I know you weren’t alone in the final seconds, but I still feel occasional guilt that it wasn’t me with you. I know that isn’t logical, but there it is anyway.

Thanks to family and friends I’ve kept busy this past year. Because of them I have not let my life come to a standstill now that you are no longer physically here with me. I have laughed and experienced new adventures even though a year ago I didn’t think that would ever be possible. Throughout it all you are here in my thoughts sharing along with me. When I act silly, or cross that line of decorum as I am wont to do, I know you are there be beside me shaking your head.

I miss you. I miss your laugh. I miss hearing about how your day went. I miss holding your hand as we walk down the street. I miss laying in bed at night and hearing you breath. I miss... this list could be endless. But enough with the sadness already. I have too many happy memories to let this day rule over all the others.

You were not my first love, but you are my best love. I cherish that above all else.